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Nope, not ever. NEVERS.

What is one thing you said you would NEVER do?   At the time you said never, to do "the thing" would never work. Maybe because you thought it was weird or useless.  Or maybe logistically it could not work in any shape, form, or fashion.  Maybe it was a role you could not imagine filling.  Maybe you said nope and nada to something because you knew it was entirely out of your comfort zone or desires.  Whatever the reasons are, we all have our "Nope, not ever.  NEVERS."  But you know what they say, right?

 And then something happens or a series of some things happen and your heart begins to soften to "the thing".  Instead of shaking your head no, you are now nodding and understanding WHY people do the thing.  You have empathy and understanding, but your answer is still NEVER FOR ME.  Some time passes and the next thing you know, you are kinda, sorta, maybe considering "the thing" for yourself (and it makes you very uncomfortable).  When this happens you giggle at yourself and call yourself crazy..."I could.would.should. NEVER do it!"  But before you know it, you are brainstorming with your loved ones on how to make it work.  You are researching. You are reaching out to people who are already doing "the thing".  And finally you let the words come out: "Let's do it. We have to do it."  Now, if you are like me you are still unsure if you can really do it.  You are in unbelief that you are making this choice, but giddy that this door has been opened.  And so thankful that God directs our steps because our selfish hearts cannot be trusted.

This has been me the past two years....transforming my "Nope, not ever. Never."  I fought the good fight.  In the end, I found peace with a decision that I never dreamed I would make; I doubted I was capable, I made excuses. I just flat our said NO!  Want to know what "the thing" is for me?  I still feel weird saying it..... HOME SCHOOL!  Yep, you read it right.  We are now officially a home school family.  We made the decision a while before Christmas break, completed the red tape, and began the first week of January.

I will not bore you with all the factors that helped us make this decision, nor will I justify why this is the right decision for our family.  Haters gonna hate and thats okay.  However, I will tell you that I knew it was the right choice for our family before we started, and now I am seeing little confirmations along the way that reassure my soul over and over again.  Trust me, as a mom of twins I had been counting down the days to send my little darlings off to a free, public education!!  No more daycare tuition and finally some time ALONE (well, just me and Beau).  And even though I desired those things, my focus was not on glorifying God in the way he has intended for me which lead to less joy.  He softened my heart and changed my mind.  He changed my NEVER.  There are many things that I don't know about this process and how it will look for our family.  For example, "God, do you think I can teach them when they are teenagers? 'Cause God you know teenagers are crazy, right?" Ha! The beautiful thing is that I don't have to have that answer now.  This is a season...it may be short or it may be long.  Only He knows.  I will screw up.  I will become impatient.  I will lose some battles. I will need to apologize.  But the good will outweigh the bad.

An amazing home school mama recommended this book (Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakable Peace by Sarah McKenzie) and it has been a wonderful resource.  I feel like this book is a great read for any mom...home school or not!   Thanks Jenifer!  Here are a few of quotes from the book that I like:


  • After all, our job is not to be successful--success itself is entirely beside the point.  It's faithfulness he wants.  God is good! He isn't going to let us pour out our hearts for our children only to be left choking on the dust of our mistakes!
  • When a person interrupts what you are doing, you [ought to] recognize a representative of Christ. 
  • Peace comes from recognizing that our real task is to wake up each day and get our marching orders from God.  It comes from diligence to the work He hands us, but diligence infused with faith, with resting in God's promises to guide and bless us.

So, that's it.  My never say never.  What is yours? I would love to hear your story! 
Say it with me now: 
NEVER SAY NEVER


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